Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Yesterday I had a good time playing with Siri, the invisible genius inside Apple’s bottle.  I knew Siri could do a lot of good stuff, but I had no idea that it had a bag full of jokes, for crying out loud.  Yep, you read it correctly—jokes!

I found out that you could ask Siri for a joke and she would provide you with one after another—ad infinitum.  Let me give you an example.  I pressed the home button and asked, “Siri, tell me a joke”.

A few seconds later Siri wrote on my iPad’s screen the following:

—“The past, present and future walk into a bar.  It was tense.”

Question: What’s another name for Santa’s elves? Answer: Subordinate Clauses. “

Question: How do you spell mousetrap? Answer: C-A-T. “

Question: What is black and white and read (red) all over? Answer: A newspaper.”

Question:  What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?  Answer:  The letter Q (queue).”

How about them green apples?  And now that we’re in a humoristic mood, I’ve got a couple more, albeit they were not originated by Siri.  Here we go.

A guy rushes into a bar and orders twelve tequilas. No sooner has the bartender poured them than he knocks them back. Concerned, the bartender says, “Woah, you might want to slow down there…” The guy replies, finishing the last one, “You’d be drinking like this if you had what I have!” The bartender says, “Oh my God, I’m sorry man. What do you have?”  “Fifty cents.”

And a final one to tickle your brains:

A sheep rancher invites an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to a competitive bidding for building his corral.

The engineer is the first to present his solution: he looks at the white board with a picture of sheep scattered around a field, and draws a square that encompasses them all, saying that the fence walls would be of a uniform length and that making orthogonal cuts is the most natural thing with power tools.

The physicist presents his solution next: he goes up to the white board and draws a circle around all the sheep, saying that the circle gives the most interior area for the least circumferential length.

The mathematician then goes up to the white board to present his solution. He draws a little circle off to the side that doesn’t encompass a single sheep. The rancher, the engineer, and the physicist are all puzzled, and look at him wondering what he’s up to, demanding that he explain himself.

“That,” said the mathematician, pointing to the interior of the little circle, “is the outside.”

Can someone please explain this to me? I don’t actually get it.

Explanation:  The way the mathematician thinks of it; the goal is to create a boundary that divides the area into two regions, one which contains the sheep and the other doesn’t. The size of each region was not specified.

I hope you have enjoyed Siri’s jokes and the brain tickling.  Good Day.

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I recently received an e-mail from a fellow blogger that confirmed my hypothesis that English is an extremely complex and confusing language.  Anybody studying the language of Shakespeare will probably agree with me.

Below is what my fellow blogger sent me which confirmed my theory about English.  Be prepared to be baffled by the content of this e-mail.  Here we go.


We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship…
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing……….

If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop.???

If you got this far, it means you are really a zealot of the English language and probably have a large smile on your face.  Good Day.

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Recently I received an email from a dear friend in David, depicting an explanation for a strange English word and several examples of how the term was used.  It was the first time I had seen such a word.  Initially I thought it was a Greek word, but never an English expression.

Since I’m a curious person, I Googled the word and found that it was indeed a legitimate English word.  The word is paraprosdokian.  What is its meaning you might ask?  This is what I found:

“A paraprosdokian, meaning ‘beyond’ and ‘expectation’ sentence, is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. 

It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.  For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.” 

According to Wikipedia encyclopedia, “Paraprosdokian” comes from Greek “παρά“, meaning “against” and “προσδοκία“, meaning “expectation”. Canadian linguist and etymology author William Gordon Casselman argues that, while the word is now in wide circulation, “paraprosdokian” (or “paraprosdokia”) is not a term of classical (or medieval) Greek or Latin rhetoric, but a late 20th century neologism.  However, it occurs—with the same meaning—in Greek rhetorical writers of the 1st century BCE and the 1st and 2nd centuries CE.

Below are several examples of a paraprosdokian.  Oh, before I forget, Winston Churchill liked to use these humorous expressions quite often.   Here we go.

  1. “Take my wife – please!” — Henry Youngman
  2. “He was at his best when the going was good.” — Alistair Cooke in the Duke of Windsor
  3. “You can always count on the Americans to do the right—after they have tried everything else.”  Winston Churchill
  4. “On his feet he wore…blisters.” — Aristotle
  5. “A modest man, who has much to be modest about.” — supposedly Winston Churchill, about Clement Attlee
  6. “She was good as cooks go, and as cooks go she went.” — Saki
  7. “I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.” —Will Rogers
  8. “If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.” — Homer Simpson
  9. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  11. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  12. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  13. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  15. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  16. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  17. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  19. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  20. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
  21. Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  22. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.
  23. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening,’ and then try to tell you why it isn’t.
  24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it  back.
  25. Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
  26. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go.
  27. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  28. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  29. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  30. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

And now you know why I say that English is a tough cookie to learn.  Good Day.

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A blind woman was walking down the street with her dog. They stopped at the corner for traffic. The dog began nipping at the lady’s leg. She reached into her coat pocket, pulled out a doggie treat and began waving it around.

A passerby who witnessed it all asked the woman why she was rewarding the dog for such bad behavior. The woman said, “Oh, I’m not rewarding him, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick his rear!”

Don’t take life too seriously.  Squeeze a smile on your face every time you can.  You’ll live longer.  Ask the Doc.  Good Day.

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The electronic device that we use to execute commands in our computers looks a lot like a mouse and that’s the name we call it.  If you look closely, its resemblance to a house mouse is remarkable.  It even has a tail, which is the cord that connects it to the CPU.  Technically, in computing, a mouse is a pointing device that functions by detecting two-dimensional motion relative to its supporting surface.  The first known publication of the term “mouse” as a pointing device is in Bill English’s 1965 publication “Computer-Aided Display Control”.

Douglas Engelbart at the Stanford Research Institute, invented the first mouse prototype in 1963, with the assistance of his colleague Bill English. They christened the device the mouse, as early models had a cord attached to the rear part of the device looking like a tail and generally resembling the common mouse.

While holding this so called mouse in my hands, yesterday afternoon, it came to my mind that I could play with this concept.  I went to the kitchen, grabbed a large portion of white cheese from the fridge, cut a small slice, and placed it in a yellowish plate.  Then I extracted a red sweater from our closet to use as a cushion for my humorous composition.

The idea was to take a picture of a mouse trying to eat a slice of white cheese.  Photography doesn’t have to be rigid, formal and full of unbreakable rules.  Photography can also be lots of fun.  This is what came out of my naughty behavior on a sullen and  rainy Sunday afternoon.

Snapshot of my HP mouse simulating to eat a slice of white cheese on an adjacent plate. I was in a playful mood yesterday afternoon. Photo by ©Omar Upegui R.

Snapshot of a composition of a computer mouse and a plate with white cheese. The red cloth is one of my sweaters. If you look closely, you will see on the background, one of the computer's speakers. Photo by ©Omar Upegui R.

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Joke: Crushed Nuts

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself up slowly, painfully onto a tall stool.  After catching his breath, he order a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”

He replied, “No, arthritis.”

No comments.

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As I mentioned in a recent post, the Municipality of Panama has decorated the Coastal Strip with themes to entertain the family; specially young children.  The name of the project is Villas Navideñas, although many of the subjects have nothing to do with Christmas, but you know how rational we are in this part of the world.

Yesterday I posted some pictures of the white rabbit of Alice in Wonderland.  Today I have a couple of pictures of jolly looking jesters.  I liked their clothing and their good humor.  I guess that’s why there were contracted for—to make people laugh.

Photograph of three jesters located at the Villas Navideñas on the Coastal Strip in Panama City, Panama. Photo ©Omar Upegui R.

A jester, joker, jokester, fool, wit-cracker, prankster or buffoon was a person employed to tell jokes and provide general entertainment, typically by a European monarch. Jesters are stereotypically thought to have worn brightly colored clothes and eccentric hats in a motley pattern. Their hats were especially distinctive; made of cloth, they were floppy with three points, each of which had a jingle bell at the end. The three points of the hat represent the donkey’s ears and tail worn by jesters in earlier times. Other things distinctive about the jester were his laughter and his mock sceptre, known as a bauble or marotte.

Photograph of several jesters producing their laughter acts. Take notice of the royal crown which they mocked during their performances. When their humor went too far, they were often imprisoned by the offended monarch. Photo ©Omar Upegui R.

In ancient times courts employed fools and by the Middle Ages the jester was a familiar figure. In Renaissance times, aristocratic households in Britain employed licensed fools or jesters, who sometimes dressed as other servants were dressed, but generally wore a motley (i.e. parti-colored) coat, hood with ass’s (i.e. donkey) ears or a red-flannel coxcomb and bells.

Regarded as pets or mascots, they served not simply to amuse but to criticise their master or mistress and their guests. Queen Elizabeth is said to have rebuked one of her fools for being insufficiently severe with her. Excessive behaviour, however, could lead to a fool being whipped, as Lear threatens to whip his fool.

And now you know a little bit more about jesters.  Good Day.

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