Siri, Good Humor, and Brains

Yesterday I had a good time playing with Siri, the invisible genius inside Apple’s bottle.  I knew Siri could do a lot of good stuff, but I had no idea that it had a bag full of jokes, for crying out loud.  Yep, you read it correctly—jokes!

I found out that you could ask Siri for a joke and she would provide you with one after another—ad infinitum.  Let me give you an example.  I pressed the home button and asked, “Siri, tell me a joke”.

A few seconds later Siri wrote on my iPad’s screen the following:

—“The past, present and future walk into a bar.  It was tense.”

Question: What’s another name for Santa’s elves? Answer: Subordinate Clauses. “

Question: How do you spell mousetrap? Answer: C-A-T. “

Question: What is black and white and read (red) all over? Answer: A newspaper.”

Question:  What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?  Answer:  The letter Q (queue).”

How about them green apples?  And now that we’re in a humoristic mood, I’ve got a couple more, albeit they were not originated by Siri.  Here we go.

A guy rushes into a bar and orders twelve tequilas. No sooner has the bartender poured them than he knocks them back. Concerned, the bartender says, “Woah, you might want to slow down there…” The guy replies, finishing the last one, “You’d be drinking like this if you had what I have!” The bartender says, “Oh my God, I’m sorry man. What do you have?”  “Fifty cents.”

And a final one to tickle your brains:

A sheep rancher invites an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to a competitive bidding for building his corral.

The engineer is the first to present his solution: he looks at the white board with a picture of sheep scattered around a field, and draws a square that encompasses them all, saying that the fence walls would be of a uniform length and that making orthogonal cuts is the most natural thing with power tools.

The physicist presents his solution next: he goes up to the white board and draws a circle around all the sheep, saying that the circle gives the most interior area for the least circumferential length.

The mathematician then goes up to the white board to present his solution. He draws a little circle off to the side that doesn’t encompass a single sheep. The rancher, the engineer, and the physicist are all puzzled, and look at him wondering what he’s up to, demanding that he explain himself.

“That,” said the mathematician, pointing to the interior of the little circle, “is the outside.”

Can someone please explain this to me? I don’t actually get it.

Explanation:  The way the mathematician thinks of it; the goal is to create a boundary that divides the area into two regions, one which contains the sheep and the other doesn’t. The size of each region was not specified.

I hope you have enjoyed Siri’s jokes and the brain tickling.  Good Day.

9 thoughts on “Siri, Good Humor, and Brains”

  1. Siri’s using old material! That one about “black and white and re(a)d all over” is one of the first jokes I remember my dad teaching me, even before I started kindergarten. That means it’s at least 64 years old!

    I liked it so much, I was given a book wtih nothing but jokes and riddles. I remember two more.

    “Why did the little boy throw the alarm clock out the window?” “He wanted to see time fly.”

    “What did the baby chick say when he found an orange in his nest?” “Oh, look at the orange marma laid!”

    It was a simpler time — and at least one programmer over at Siri is older than twenty-five!

  2. Old, new, new old. It’s all a cycle that revolves around and around, never ending. I wonder what is really new under the sun. New fashions are frequently old fashions renewed with a twist to pretend they are new.

    Maybe because I’m not so young, I can appreciate old things better. Now regarding Siri’s jokes, they were new to me, probably because I never lived in the States where these jokes are probably embedded in the social fabric. Having said that, they are really good stuff to put your good humor into high gear.

    I enjoyed the ones you added. Life is too serious to be taken seriously. “Time to fly”–oh boy, I love that concept.

    Yeah, maye Siri is an old timer with good stuff under its sleeve. I like it that way when time was simpler and more innocent. “The good old days.”

    Best Regards,


  3. Hi Trish,

    Thank you so much for having such a generous gesture. I feel content by receiving your approval. That is my bests award, the loyalty and continued support of my readers. That’s the gasoline that keeps me going, like the Energizer bunny.

    Many thanks again.


  4. Thanks for these Omar, very amusing. Siri is the best. I asked her who let the dogs out and she told me that due to unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired!

    1. Hi Desley:

      Yep, Siri is great as a she and as a he. You prefer what you want it to be. I preferred Siri to be a glamorous she. There isn’t a thing I’ve asked that she hasn’t fetched faster than you can wink an eye. On the serious side, technology has reached a point, that it’s difficult to draw a line between reality and science fiction.

      Siri reminds me of Hal, the computer, in Stanley Kubrick’s motion picture, 2001: A Space Odessy.

      Best Regards,


      1. Yes she does. It’s a little scary to think how quickly we’ve just accepted Siri into our lives. I was lying in bed last night and realised I had forgotten to set my alarm, so I just said – “Hey Siri, set an alarm for 7 a.m.”. And hey presto, done and I promptly fell asleep.



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