Confusion in the English Language

I recently received an e-mail from a fellow blogger that confirmed my hypothesis that English is an extremely complex and confusing language.  Anybody studying the language of Shakespeare will probably agree with me.

Below is what my fellow blogger sent me which confirmed my theory about English.  Be prepared to be baffled by the content of this e-mail.  Here we go.


We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship…
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing……….

If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop.???

If you got this far, it means you are really a zealot of the English language and probably have a large smile on your face.  Good Day.

6 thoughts on “Confusion in the English Language”

  1. You always keep me in stitches, Omar, yet you have no medical license!?
    English is indeed a lifelong study.
    Thanks to the British and their former empire, we have Australian English, New Zealand English, British English, and American English. Singapore has two versions of English, one of which is called “Singlish”. Then, of course, there is the version which Nena and I speak, Spanglish. ja ha
    jim and nena
    fort worth

  2. Morning Jim and Nena:

    After all these years of crunching my teeth and pulling my hair trying to learn the language, I’ve created a warm love for the language. I study it about four hours a day; so a bond has developed. I enjoy keeping in touch with English and Lingua Franca is an excellent conduit to learn it.

    Now I’m resigned that I will never really master English, but that doesn’t matter any more. What is important is the enjoyment of the process of exploring its twisted paths.

    Enjoy the upcoming weekend,


  3. Don’t worry about never really learning the language, Omar. There are plenty of native English speakers who haven’t really learned the language, either. 😉

  4. Hi Linda:

    Glad you squeezed in some time to comment here. Hope your trip is progressing as planned.

    Yep, I know that my English language project is a never ending endeavor. But as I told Jim and Nena, I’m enjoying the process.

    Have fun,


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