Funny Quotes and Funny Sayings


Most of the quotes I read, are wisdom or inspirational oriented. That’s well and good since they have served me well over the years; specially when I’m having a very rough time.

Today it will be a little different. I’ve selected to share with you quotes which intend to make you happy or sayings that have the same intention. If these funny quotes or sayings make your day a little lighter, then I’ll feel rewarded. Here we go.

  1. Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.
  2. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  3. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  4. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  5. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
  6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  7. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  8. When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  9. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
  10. You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
  11. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
  12. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  13. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money!)
  14. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
  15. A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
  16. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
  17. When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  18. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
  19. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
  20. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  21. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
  22. If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
  23. Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
  24. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  25. Death is hereditary.

Source: Funny Quotes and Cute Funny Sayings

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