Posts Tagged ‘Alcohol’

Hip hip hooray! Artists celebrating at Skagen by Danish painter P.S. Krayer, 1888. (Credit: Wikipedia Encyclopedia)

At this very moment, thousands of Panamanians are getting their stuff ready to travel to the countryside to enjoy the Carnival festivities.  Carnival will start on the evening of Friday, February 13, 2010 and end on Ash Wednesday, February 17, 2010.  The whole country will be almost paralyzed during these frenetic days of fun, dances, alcohol, costumes, queens and collective madness.  There’s is popular saying in Panama, that the only topic that Panamanians take seriously are the Carnivals.  I’m not kidding.  This is a serious issue in this part of the world.

Droves of people flood the supermarkets every year to get their fair share of alcohol to drink during the Carnival.  The heaviest drinking seasons in Panama are December (Christmas and New Year), February (Carnival) and April (Easter Week).    Consumption of alcoholic beverages during these months is very high.

I recently received an excellent magazine dubbed, Martes Financiero (Financial Tuesday),  about Panama finances.  This magazine depict important aspects of Panama economic performance.  Amongst the statistics shown on their latest issue, is the production of alcoholic beverages.  Let’s take a look at the Production of Alcoholic Beverages in the Republic of Panama – Year 2008 expressed in millions of U.S. Gallons.

  1. January:   5.7
  2. February:  5.4
  3. March:  5.4
  4. April:  5.4
  5. May:  4.6
  6. June:  4.9
  7. July:  5.2
  8. August:  4.9
  9. September:  5.2
  10. October:  5.2
  11. November:  5.2
  12. December:  5.5
  13. Total:  62.6
  14. Monthly Average:  5.2

As you can see, the country produces about 5.2 million gallons of alcoholic beverages every month.  This figure is staggering considering that the country has a population of  only 3.4 million people.  I wonder how much booze is consumed during the wild Carnival days?  Good Day or should I say Skoal?

Source:  Martes Financiero – Edition 616 of 02-02-10 (www.martesfinanciero.com)

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Joke: The Evils of Drink

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know this, Sister?”

“My Mother Superior told me so.”

“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous—of course I have never taken alcohol myself”

“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”

“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”

“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

-“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”

“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again, is it?”

Miss Cellania -

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A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

“Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

“Screw it,” he thought. “I’ll just crawl home.”

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

“You went out drinking last night, didn’t you?” she said.

“Uh, yes,” he said sheepishly. “How did you know?”

“You left your wheelchair at the bar again.”

Source:  Miss Cellania

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(Credit:  Vat House by Lobo at Pixdaus.com)

(Credit: Vat House by Lobo at Pixdaus.com)

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A couple of Sundays ago, I visited one of the hottest tourist areas of Panama City.  I’m referring to Via Argentina.    Amongst its many restaurants flanking the street, only one really caught me eye because of its attractive decorations using typical Spanish themes.

I was there about 6:10 a.m.  The day was still dark with small streaks of light which gave the area an atmosphere of mystery.  All the restaurants of the street were closed.

The terrace outside this particular restaurant had several black tables and chairs aligned in  neat order.  Somebody had cleaned the place up  insuring that everything was spic and span. There was not a soul around.

I touched one of the tables and it was cold.  The warmth of the excitement had disappeared together with the noisy revelers who headed back to their homes after an agitated evening.  The music, food, dancing, alcohol, laughter…all had vanished.  Only the cold and empty black chairs and tables remained in the semi-dark room.

This is how the room looked like after the hullabaloo had gone away.  Here we go.

Picture of the empty seats and tables of Sanchos Corner on an early Sunday morning.  (Credit:  Omar Upegui R.)

Picture of the empty seats and tables of Sancho's Corner on an early Sunday morning. (Credit: Omar Upegui R.)

An empty room with cold tables and chairs after the Food, music and excitement had finished.  (Credit:  Omar Upegui R.)

An empty room with cold tables and chairs after the food, music and excitement had vanished. (Credit: Omar Upegui R.)

Empty chairs and tables at Sanchos Corner after all the clients went home and called it a night.  (Credit:  Omar Upegui R.)

Empty chairs and tables at Sancho's Corner after all the clients went home and called it a night. (Credit: Omar Upegui R.)

Yep, everything was quiet that Sunday morning at Via Argentina.  The noisy revelers had gone to sleep.  Good Day.

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When I was in my thirties and forties I was a good beer drinker.  With several co-workers we would go out to a nearby bar and drank beer to our hearts content.  While drinking, we fixed all our company’s  current problems and those that might arise in the next one hundred years.

The next morning the katzenjammer was terrible and you needed at least six more beers to get the headache and the trembling hands under control.  Then we solved more of the company’s problems.  I’ll have to admit we had a good time.

My favorite beer was Cerveza Panama Skol!

After my problems with high blood pressure started, I had to stay away from booze.  That’s O.K., I had my chance and took a good advantage.

For those who are still enjoying the drinking game, below are several drinking quotes from famous people in different disciplines of work.  Enjoy.

These aren’t in any particular order, but it’s easy to see with four entries in the list that W.C. Fields is by far the best boozer that ever lived.

1.  “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” –Frank Sinatra

2.  “Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.” –W. C. Fields

3.  “Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” –Homer Simpson

4.  “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” –Dean Martin

5.  “There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”–Benjamin Franklin

6.  “I don’t care how liberated this world becomes – a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume – and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.” –Doug Coughlin (Cocktail)

7.  “I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.” –W. C. Fields

8.  “My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.” –Winston Churchill

9.  “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” –Jack Handy

10.  “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” –W. C. Fields

11.  “It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”–W. C. Fields

12.  “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they are going to feel all day.” –Frank Sinatra

13.  “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline… it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” –Frank Zappa

14.  “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” –Humphrey Bogart

15.  “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” –George Burns

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A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, “What did you learn from this demonstration?”

Little Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, ‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

Source:  Bits & Pieces

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This woman was invited out the other night for some “fun with the girls.”

She told her husband she would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down really smooth. About 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, she headed for home.

Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing he’d probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning her husband asked her what time I got in and she told him “about 12 o’clock” and he didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew!  Got away with that one! Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When she asked him why, he said, “Well last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit,’ cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled twice more and then tripped over the cat and farted.”

Source:  Old Horsetail Snake: Where Civilization Might End

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Alcohol can manipulate your images; be careful.

Alcohol can manipulate your images; be careful.

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Say you’re going to have one beer. Then in turns into a couple of beers, then a six-pack and soon enough, a cascade of beer.s You don’t know what hit you, but the next day it turns into a One-Star Hangover.

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You’re able to function relatively well. However, you are parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak and fries. Unless, of course, it’s a Two-Star Hangover.

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only enhancing the rumbling of your gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3 a.m. Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. You sure hope it isn’t a Three-Star Hangover.

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the peppermint schnapps your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. You’ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke — yet you haven’t peed once. It’s looking more and more like a Four-Star Hangover.

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can’t speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can’t hide the fact that you shaved only one side of your face. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your butt is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five dumps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. No, it isn’t a four-star job; it is easily becoming a Five-Star Hangover.

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don’t have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was who had passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take another dump results in a fire-hose-like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater thrown in. The sole purpose of this floater seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your buns. But all this helps you add to your list of Things Impossible to Say When You’re Drunk:

  1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
  2. Nope, no more booze for me.
  3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
  4. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
  5. Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.
  6. Sorry I’m being such a jackass.

I hope I got a smile from you today.  Most of us have had previous experiences with hangovers in one way or another.  I know I have of several stars.  Good Day.

Source:  Old Horsetail Snake

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