The Most Admired Company in America

The Total Quality Company: Rules of Behavior

We are glad to welcome you as a new employee. There are just a few guidelines you need to follow to make your stay with us as comfortable as possible for us.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days per year of service. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, co-workers or pets. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture in situ will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can appear to be healthy.
• Normal-sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, aggravations, allegations, accusations, consternation and input should directed elsewhere.

General Management

I’ll bet people work here until they retire.  The benefits are so generous, it’s a great privilege to work here.  (Tongue-in-Cheek.)  Good Day.

Source:  Old Horsetail Snake

Blogged with the Flock Browser

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The Elegant Writing Style of Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865 (Credit: Wikipedia Encyclopedia)

Abraham Lincoln will always be remembered as one of the most admired and loved presidents in the history of the United States.  His outstanding leadership during the Civil War kept the country united.

His name is currently in the spotlight due to the frequents citations made by President-Elect Barack Obama.  Barack Obama’s affinity for Lincoln is no secret. The former launched his presidential campaign in Springfield, Ill., at the Old State Capitol building, the site where the latter delivered his famous “House Divided” speech in 1858.

Interviewed on CBS’s “60 Minutes” Sunday night, Obama named one author when asked what he was currently reading: Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln is also in the limelight, because one of his famous letters was found in  a Texas Museum. The famed Bixby Letter as it is called, eloquently consoles a mother thought to have lost five sons in the Civil War.

The letter, written with “the best of intentions” 144 years ago next week, is “considered one of the finest pieces of American presidential prose,” said Alan Olson, curator for the Dallas group.

This is the full text of President Abraham Lincoln’s letter to Civil War mother Lydia Bixby, who was thought to have lost five sons in battle

Executive Mansion, Washington, Nov 21, 1864

To Mrs. Bixby, Boston, Mass.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five (5) sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A Lincoln.

No wonder Barack Obama looks upon this great American President for inspiration.  He knows he will have a heavy burden on his shoulders after January 20, 2009.  Abe, wherever you are, please give Barack Obama a hand.  Good Day.

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